Are you Shouting at your Kids? Know what it does to them
ARE YOU SHOUTING AT YOUR KIDS?
KNOW WHAT IT DOES TO THEM.
Most parents resort to shouting at their children when they don’t seem to listen. But what does it do to them? Read what the Psychologist say on how to handle Kids without actually shouting at them.
Let’s just agree, no one likes yelling. It could seem like the right thing to do for your kid at that time, but it’ll always make you feel bad later. Also, it does not seem to work on the children, too. They’ll be back at what made you mad in the first place in no time.
So, if we as parents know that yelling is not yielding any real results, why do we do it anyway?
WHY DO WE DO IT?
We are aware that raising the tone is doing no good. We do it in the confines of our homes where we think we won’t get judged for it, but we do it anyway. As unbelievable it may seem when you read this, we really yell because we think, ‘at least they’ll do it immediately’ and we won’t have to keep following up. Yes, immediate obedience is what gets adults into the murky quicksand in the first place. What they don’t know is that they are slowing splattering their child in the muck as well. Slowly, the child is going to get accustomed to this behaviour, normalizing it in a way. We are sculpting our children emotionally to accept this behaviour and get immunized by it.
We can get them to obey us and act in a disciplined manner for a while, after which they’ll stop listening till you get the big guns out, every time. This is where it becomes a habit. A habit that will cause an exponential decline in the parent-child relationship. Children could start distancing themselves from us and live outside our bubble. Let’s think of it this way, how would you feel about a person who constantly talks to you by yelling? Would you understand their point of view and be close with them anyway? Or would you keep an arm’s distance from them? The same applies to children. They’ll lose their trust on us and forget the safe and secure feeling they had with us.
Keeping that argument in mind, wouldn’t we want to make a change in us if someone kept shouting at us? Then why don’t children start listening, too? You would think that since they complied the first few times, you wouldn’t have to yell at them again and that they’ll start co-operating when you talk to them normally. No, it won’t work and ironically, the yelling is the reason why.
WHY DON’T THEY START OBEYING?
Surprisingly, that is caused by the constant shouting for anything that needs to be done. They’ll see the high voice as a threshold for the chore or whatever you are telling them to do. So, if you ask them to do a chore in a lower voice, they’ll know that nothing is going to happen even if they ignore that request and that’s exactly what they do. They’ll wait for you to shout, because it’ll give them some extra time to continue what they are currently doing. This turns into a vicious, loud cycle. They’ll always only react after you shout for a while.
Eventually, it is going to ruin the bond the child has with the parents and the child will start shutting them out. They’ll feel like they are being nagged to leave things in which they hold their interest to do a boring chore. We need to learn to respect what they want, too. The solution here is to come up with a way by which we can request children to comply with our requests without having to raise our voices.
WHAT YELLING DOES TO KIDS.
Negative techniques for disciplinary actions are never going to yield positive behaviour in anybody, let alone impressionable minds like those of children. A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology had suggested that the effects of harsh verbal discipline is just as severe as beating/spanking them. It can have a catastrophic effect on their entire persona and change their way of thinking in an entirety. Children who are yelled at frequently are more likely to form self-esteem issues and may take up aggression to cope with the same. They are more likely to seem angry with everyone and in worse cases have been known to bully other kids, too.
HOW CAN WE STOP?
You can start with analyzing yourself each time you shout or are about to shout. If you did shout at your kids, think about the reason for the same, what was the immediate consequence of your actions (how it affected them and the atmosphere in your house) and what you could have done instead of yelling to help the situation. If you think you are about to lose your temper and shout at your child, take a deep breath and analyze how you can make your child listen to you without resorting to any negative behaviour.
ALTERNATIVE METHODS TO MAKE THEM LISTEN TO YOU.
Why shout out their names from a distance and assume that they have heard you and will answer immediately? Here’s what you can do:
- Soften your approach: Go to them, lovingly put your hand on their head and tell them what you need them to do.
- Respect their interests: It is irrational to expect them to drop everything that they’re doing immediately and obey. For example, you can say that you expect them to start cleaning their room after 15 minutes. It means that you can give them a heads up, so that they have time to wrap up what they’re doing and then start with the chore later. Always end with the promise that they can continue what they were doing right after helping you.
- Be firm, but polite: If you are in a hurry to leave for somewhere and they haven’t responded to you yet, you could stand in front of them and politely tell them that you’ve called their name out a few times and they haven’t responded. This way you’ll know that they have heard and understood you.
SOME TAKE-AWAY ADVICE:
Positive behaviour from you will bring out the positive behaviour in them. Children must be dealt with patience and soft behaviour by their parents as they are the ones who help sculpt kids’ early behaviour as human beings. Ultimately, it is our choice - whether to use the shortcut to obedience or the long way to the right value education and well-being of our children.
Author: Prajakta Gaikwad – Blogger at Tinychaps
About Tinychaps: It is a FREE and the EASIEST way to find a daycare or homecare that fits your family's needs. Tiny Chaps has a comprehensive database of daycare and preschools spanning all over the US & Canada. Let’s together find a caring, safe and secure haven for your child.